


I Love You / I'm Sorry

by sofa_and_stuff



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:09:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27232537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sofa_and_stuff/pseuds/sofa_and_stuff
Summary: A confession and rejection in five words. And three months later, a desperate attempt at a confession with the same five words.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Reader
Comments: 5
Kudos: 97





	I Love You / I'm Sorry

Five words—three of them from you, and one pitiful look.

Kei Tsukishima was never soft. You hardly saw him as someone mushy, never sought comfort in him. And yet, the look in his eyes—it was full of sorrow, shame, commiseration.

You were a fish out of water, floundering, trying to breathe—hard to breathe, you realized, meeting Kei’s line of sight. His expression made you crumple, fold in on yourself. Your chest hurt. Your heart hurt. Your eyes stung with unshed tears.

God, this was not a normal reaction to rejection.

You expected Kei to scoff, make fun of you, flat out reject you—but this?—this was so much worse. Instead, you’d managed to make the both of you feel like pure and utter shit. Your heart broke twice—cracked at his two words, shattered when you saw the look of pity on his face. He just looked sorry. Sincere and genuine, not a hint of mocking.

Bowing your head, letting the crocodile tears run down your face and drip onto the ground, you said goodbye to the idea of Kei.

That didn’t mean that you said goodbye to Tsukishima, though. You knew where you stood now. And as months passed by, slow and painful with his presence dwindling due to your distancing, you built up a wall of formality. Never again, you promised yourself, would you be vulnerable to Kei. Instead, he would be Tsukishima, childhood friend, perpetual classmate. You’d been with him your whole life—meeting in kindergarten, going to elementary school together, middle school—and next spring, you’d start high school together.

_Was this a smart idea?_ you asked yourself, remembering Tsukishima putting up a similar wall when the two of you were younger. You remember how sweet he was when the two of you were still small children—sure, he was still snarky and spoke his mind, but he was nicer then. And you remembered what happened to him after the Akiteru incident—how closed off he became to his brother, to his family, his friends—you. And now, you were doing the same thing. Shutting Kei off.

_Will he even care?_ was the question that lingered in your mind as you isolated your emotions from him. You friendship would become clean of any vulnerability—you would live off scraps, small jokes and little snickers from him, nothing too serious. After all, you had loved Kei, and life without him—him in any form—was not something you could even fathom.

—

Three months passed, and Kei was unnerved. You had started calling him Tsukishima—after calling him by his given name for as long as he could remember. He knew why—he knew you were unsure of what the two of you were doing. Stuck in a limbo of heartbreak and uncertainty. You no longer came over after school. When the two of you studied, it was always at the library. And no more long unprompted phone calls where you’d gush about your day after he’d complain about you calling him but then refuse to hang up. All the familiarity, the warmth, was gone. The friendship Kei had kept up with you was now sterile, void of any comfortability.

He felt empty. Sure, you’d chosen to go to the same high school to remain close to him and Yamaguchi, even got placed in the same class—surely that must count for something. But everything was different now. You spent your free time with new friends or Yamaguchi, and Kei was left behind.

He had no right to feel this way. He knew that, too. He’d rejected you.

But the way guilt coursed through his veins, the way his throat constricted whenever he thought of that day—he knew that he’d made a mistake.

Kei wanted your vulnerability again. He’d messed up the first time. Given you pity when you’d given him love. He hadn’t thought enough about what you’d told him, hadn’t mulled it over before rejecting you. And besides, was Kei even prepared for a relationship? He had rejected you because he wasn't ready yet. He knew he'd wanted you. And now, he knew he didn’t deserve another chance. But damn, he was selfish. And he missed you despite himself.

It all became too much for him when he caught you in the halls at the end of the day, a smile on your face as you made your way over to him.

You couldn’t study at the library with him today, you’d said. He’d scoffed, annoyed that you were cutting down the already small amount of time that the two of you spent together. He said he didn’t care, but still asked you why you couldn’t make it, chalking it up to him being curious. And then, you let it slip.

You had a date.

Kei felt his world closing in on him. His chest felt heavy, his head cloudy. He’d spent the past three months full of regret, trying to figure out how to right his wrong. But he was too hesitant, too caught up in his own thoughts to make a move, and now he was going to pay for it.

Still, Kei was selfish. And no matter how much he wanted you to be happy, how much he wanted to pay for his mistake and go on with his life, without you, he wouldn’t go down without a fight.

Kei’s hand clamped on your wrist, dragging you towards the exit of the school, outside, under blooming cherry blossoms. His straight face was slowly disappearing. He was letting his walls down. He owed it to you—some sort of vulnerability.

You called out to him, using his family name, confusion and worry written on your face, but he cut you off, hand moving from being wrapped around your wrist to lacing into your smaller hand.

He looked down at the ground, littered in cherry blossoms, then back up at you, a look of pure desperation and sorrow on his pretty face. He let go of your hand, engulfing you in his arms before murmuring five words into your hair, unable to face you. You might not have heard him if you didn’t recognize the words from months earlier.

“I’m sorry. I love you.”

Five words, and one look up at him, full of longing and love.

**Author's Note:**

> I have writer's block. I'm unsure if I like this fic ahaha


End file.
